you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
how drunk are you?
Several
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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