Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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