We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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