just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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