You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
