wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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