Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the day after is always just damage control
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
