Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
