is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
