i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
