Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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