I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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