i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
