She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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