I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
