Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
