you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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