My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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