i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
