I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
