so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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