so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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