the day after is always just damage control
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
