Your mouth is God's brothel.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont even know how to be here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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