Porn is love you can see.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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