Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
