mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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