I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
