i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
