I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
