i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
