You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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