Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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