remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
