I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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