Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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