My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
