I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
