you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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