my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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