I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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