Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
