Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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