I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
