a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
