You can't special order awesome
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
