Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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