I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
