it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
