out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
