Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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